Recently on the blog, I talked about one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned. About the importance of running towards what you DO want (as opposed to running away from what you DON’T want).
(Did you see it? Need a refresher? Read it here.)
We actually talked about this very shift quite a bit in Workshops for Water (which was SO fun and SO transformational for so many people – their words, not mine! – that I’m going to do it again… stay tuned!).
One particular post I wrote for that group really seemed to help them understand what it looks like to be moving towards what you want, so I’ll share with you, too.
The “running away from vs. running towards” thing doesn’t mean you have to (necessarily) DO something different… the action may look exactly the same! But it IS about changing your motivation BEHIND the running.
As an example, let’s say you’re debating leaving the job you HATE for a temporary improvement while you continue to build your business on the side (find a way to apply this to you – could be you want to leave your partner, lose 10 pounds, be a better parent, etc.).
In that case, you want to make sure you’re looking for a new job because you believe there’s a better opportunity out there for you, as opposed to looking for a way to get out of your current hellish circumstances (see the difference?). Either way, you’re still trying to get a new job, but what’s really driving that? Is it you reacting to your current job, or is it that you genuinely believe you deserve to be happier/better compensated/more respected/use your skills more/closer to home/better hours/things like that?
So what do you do if you’re like “nope, I think I’m running away from the stuff that scares me/I don’t like/I don’t want anymore”?
You need to get clear on what you want INSTEAD – you engage your imagination to CREATE your life, rather than REACT to it. The real-er you can make the picture in your head, the more likely you’ll be to achieve it, because your head believes the imagination is ALREADY REAL, so it will look for evidence to support that reality.
A few questions you could ask yourself to get clearer:
What would be my ideal {fill in the blank}? (the ideal job, the ideal relationship, the ideal daily routine, the ideal body [to you], the ideal friends, etc.) Whose {thing you filled in the blank with} have I been jealous of in the past? What did I want about what they had? (“He has 6 weeks of vacation time and flexible scheduling”… “She bought herself a Chloe bag as soon as the new line came out!”… “She gets to go to all her kids’ soccer games”… “She has a really good sex life”… not kidding, this shift relates to everything!) If I don’t believe that I can have the ideal version yet, what improvements DO I believe I could have? (fitting into a dress I used to love, taking every Friday off, having 1 coworker or business friend that I can talk to about anything, etc.)What one step can I take towards having that improved version?
You know what happens when you start running towards what you want? You’re excited about the progress you make (instead of beating yourself up for how slow things are going). You’re clearer on what you need to do every day (instead of shiny object syndrome making you jump all over and never finish anything). You energized by your work and able to make big, scary leaps (instead of either being paralyzed by fear, bored by how mundane things have become, or burning out from constantly pushing yourself for more and more). You freakin love life in THIS moment (instead of ruminating on the past or being all anxious about what might come up in the future).
I can’t overemphasize the freedom, peace, and ease that comes from getting clear on what’s driving you and why you want what you say you want.
Need help with that? Workshops for Water is a great place to start!
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